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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737556">Undisclosed desires</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrynthewood/pseuds/berrynthewood'>berrynthewood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Given Valentine's Event 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Anime), Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Communication Issues, Established Relationship, Given Valentine's Event 2020, Light Smut, M/M, Sexual Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:21:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrynthewood/pseuds/berrynthewood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two boys trying to fight the overwhelming desire rising dangerously inside them.</p><p>Day 3 : Longing</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Given Valentine's Event 2020 [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629838</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Given Valentine's Event 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Undisclosed desires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey !<br/>This one got submitted a little late, I know, but it's finally here !<br/>I kind of wrote it as a prequel to my previous fic “Bridge over troubled water” but they can be read as two independent fics, of course.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You're sure you don't want to stay ?...”</p><p>Haruki is standing by his apartment's entrance, keys in hand, and Akihiko offers him a shy smile as he shakes his head in response.</p><p>“Not today” he says as he leans in to drop a light kiss on Haruki's forehead “Thanks for the invitation anyway”.</p><p>He tugs playfully one last time at one of Haruki's loose strand – it's his never-ending obsession – and walks down the stairs of the building.</p><p>As Haruki watches him leave on his motorbike, he can't help but feeling a tiny bit disappointed.</p><p>He thought Akihiko would be a little more... eager. And he immediately slaps both of his hands to his burning cheeks in an attempt to chase away his own embarrassement.</p><p>He shouldn't feel this greedy... He finally has what he wanted the most for more than two years. Loneliness is gone in a blink and everything is so perfect it scares him.</p><p>Haruki lets out a contented sigh and suddenly realizes he's still standing in the doorway when a cold night breeze sweeps his hair straight to his face.</p><p>So he urges inside, brushing off the weird feeling starting to nestle in his stomach.</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>It's ok.</em>
</p><p>That's what Akihiko tells himself when he slumps down on the couch, back to his own apartment.</p><p>The date went well. Being with Haruki feels like a dream and he's floating above the clouds every single day. Yet, he's never been this nervous in a relationship before. Maybe because he never had any serious one apart from his stormy story with Ugetsu.</p><p>Akihiko knows he has to try his best to be worthy of his partner this time. Not that Haruki had ever shown any sign of weariness until now.</p><p>On the contrary, he is more lively than ever. His smile radiates happiness and his laugh sounds like the purest melody to Aki's ears everytime he gets to amuse him with some weird antics. And it's all that matters to him.</p><p>His phone vibrates against the table, waking up Akihiko from his thoughts. He stretches up and reaches for it, not even trying to hold back his smile when Haru's name displays on the screen.</p><p>
  <b>Did you get home safely ?</b>
</p><p>Akihiko chuckles, amused by the motherly side of his boyfriend.</p><p>It feels good to be encompassed with such care. Haruki has it naturally in him. He's spreading concern, comfort and understanding all around him and Akihiko just wants to be smothered by all of it.</p><p>And deep, deep inside, he sometimes wants to keep it to himself alone, selfishly...</p><p>Akihiko texts back, reassuring his proxy mother about his wellbeing, and wishes him a good night before making his way to the bedroom.</p><p>He misses Haru's warming aura already and can't wait to see him again.</p><p>*</p><p>Akihiko has warm hands. He's like a walking pocket heater and Haruki loves it when their fingers shyly intertwine. He doesn't mind the calloused skin. It reminds him he's holding the right hand.</p><p>They're currently chatting outside the studio, on their traditionnal smoking break, and Haru is more focused on Aki's movements than the conversation.</p><p>Like the way he's holding his cigarette, lazily, and that little twitch he makes when he taps away the ashes about to fall.</p><p>Even if his piercing gaze can gives away a terrible first impression, everything else about Akihiko is strangely serene, and somewhat graceful.</p><p>He takes a breath of tobacco and Haruki follows his movement, captivated by those slightly parted lips he loves to feel against his owns. Every kiss with Akihiko is like an electric shock sending pleasurable shivers across his whole body. Especially when that skilled pierced tongue is joining the fun...</p><p>“Haru ? Are you even listening ?...”</p><p>Haruki jumps and a weird squeak escapes his mouth awkwardly. Akihiko is looking at him, one eyebrow rised in a questionning fashion.</p><p>“Ah...” he laughs weirdly and extinguishes his unsmoken cigarette “Sorry, I was kind of spacing off...”</p><p>“Yeah, I noticed.” Akihiko snorts before his amused expression wears off, replaced by slight concern “Something's wrong ?”</p><p>Haruki's heart swells and the weird feeling is back again, tickling his insides.</p><p>“I...” and then he meets Aki's eyes and he just can't make any order in all the current needs passing through his head. So he grabs the first one, by reflex.</p><p>“Can I kiss you ?”</p><p>Akihiko blinks, quite taken aback.</p><p>“You don't even need to ask.” He smiles, tossing his cigarette to slide his arm around Haruki's back. He leans in, mere inches from Haru's face and tilts his head slightly to the side. “I'm all yours.”</p><p>“So, I have to take responsibility ?” Haruki whispers as he moves closer, brushing his nose against his boyfriend's.</p><p>Akihiko's only answer is to shut his eyes and Haruki joins their lips in a needy kiss. His tongue chases after the piercing and in one hot minute, he's imagining the way it may feels down there.</p><p>Until the memory gets back to him. Violently. Ah. He <em>knows</em>, actually.</p><p>His stomach twists in an unpleasant way and he breaks off the kiss in a whine.</p><p>
  <em>Why did he have to think like this ? </em>
</p><p>Oblivious of his boyfriend's discomfort, Aki opens his eyes and brushes his knuckles over Haru's cheek. His green eyes are pools of stars and Haruki wants to kick himself for his previous thoughts.</p><p>He won't tell. He doesn't want to bring back bad memories.</p><p>Akihiko has changed.</p><p>And that's all that matters.</p><p>*</p><p>Haruki is bolder than usual those days.</p><p>He touches more and his kisses are leaking with confidence. Less shy. More... demanding.</p><p>It's dangerously appealing.</p><p>Now, when Akihiko slides a hand through his hair, he wants to pull it in an hopeless need to make the pleasure last. To drag out another delicious moan from this lovely mouth.</p><p>But he is restraining himself to do so.</p><p>He doesn't want to ruin everything.</p><p>Instead, he's staring. He's staring <em>a lot</em>. He already used to, back then, but now he just <em>craves</em> to spot some skin whenever Haru has to stretch his arms up or is pulling out his hoodie. That perfect fair skin. He dreams of roaming his big hands on it every night since the confession.</p><p>He would start with a light caress on his lower back, running his fingers up and up over his spine to end in his honey-coloured hair while the other one would focus on his belly, making a path to find a nipple his index would brush carefully. All this time, his mouth would be marking his neck with beautiful bruises, scrapping his teeth on it, nipping at his jaw in a desperate way. He could picture him panting and crumbling under his invading gesture, Haru's back arching to join their bodies with sheer envy, nails dugging into his back and shoulders, begging him to go further. And he would. He would make him feel so good Haru would cry his name in a hoarse voice, scattering all his others thoughts away...</p><p>Akihiko suddenly bangs his head against the table. Crap. It was too much. He is actually in middle of class and his pants feel way too tight.</p><p>He tries to calm himself with deep breathes, almost laughing about the fact he must look like a pregnant woman in delivery now.</p><p>God, it's tough. He thought he would be able to cope with it longer...</p><p>He groans, cursing what could be the biggest mistake he made in his whole life. He messed up pretty well back then and he's still uneasy about it. Would Haruki forgive him one day ? Is he thinking about it sometimes, when they're both sitting on this fated couch ?</p><p>Akihiko can't forget. He will never forget those pleading eyes filled with tears while this twisted mouth begged him to stop, forming those striking words now planted on Aki's chest like burning needles.</p><p>
  <em>"I will do anything for you"</em>
</p><p>It hurts.</p><p>He wants to erase those memories from Haruki's head. But he can't. So he's holding back, and tries to be the sweetest person he could be with him.</p><p>He is afraid to ask. If it's ok. If he still wants him.</p><p>
  <em>I want to touch you.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>I want to touch him.</em>
</p><p>Haruki knows what the feeling burning in his stomach means. He quite figured it out last time they came back from a date in some bar.</p><p>Akihiko insisted on walking him back to his apartment, by the riverside's road. They were already tipsy but Akihiko wanted to grab some more cans of beer along the way. And, of course, he was above the limits of decency to drive back when they arrived.</p><p>When they reached the door, Haruki took him firmly by the shoulders. "You. Are. Staying. Here." He said, imperious, stealing the motorbike's keys.</p><p>Akihiko was too drunk to argue and Haruki took the opportunity to drag him inside. He dropped him on the couch and gave him his plaid as a blanket.</p><p>He was about to leave the room when a hand grabbed his wrist.</p><p>"Haru..." Akihiko's voice was groggy, a mix of lack of sleep and starting hungover. Haruki turned back to him and tilted his head "Yeah ?"</p><p>"Can you... stay here a little longer ?" He whined, eyes half-lidded. "Until I fall asleep ?"</p><p>Haru's cheeks reddened instantly. He was so cute.</p><p>"What are you ? A kid ?" He let out a genuine laugh, already sitting on the floor at Aki's level, his back to the couch.</p><p>The man grumbled, hand slipping into Haruki's one.</p><p>Haruki didn't have to wait so long for him to fall asleep. But he stayed. He stared at Aki's handsome and serene face. His calm breathes were heaving his broad chest and Haruki extended a hand to brush his cheek and then his jaw.</p><p>Those features of his were criminals.</p><p>His heartbeat quickened as he slid his hand down to sweep Aki's shoulder, stroking his chest carefully to finally rest upon his belly. What laid further down was still an unconquered territory. A land paved with exciting discoveries. And the adventure's call was hard to ignore those days. Haruki's mind drifted in wonderland.</p><p>What would it take to wave his boyfriend's pretty composure ? A soft touch or a bold grip ? Maybe he should use his tongue... How rewarding would it feel to witness Aki's change of expression while he would work his mouth over his private parts, framed by those strong thighs...</p><p>Haru's fingers twitched and his face felt unbelievably hot.</p><p>He stood up in a rush, breathless, and fled to his room. There, he buried his face to the pillow and let out a loud pained cry.</p><p>
  <em>God, what should I do with this feeling ?</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Bury it.</em>
</p><p>That's what Akihiko is telling himself as he pulls Haruki in his arms.</p><p>But his boyfriend's scent is so overwhelming it's making him drunk. And each breath is so intoxicating Akihiko has to greet his teeth to fight the urge to give in.</p><p>The door to his desires stays closed but its wooden material is covered in bumps and scratches.</p><p>
  <em>How long will it ever last ?</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>Just do it.</em>
</p><p>Maybe he has to make the first move... Haruki tries to gather his strengths and resolve but his stupid brain kind of shut down already and he curses it.</p><p>Akihiko's steeling grip on him is waking up the flame and Haruki suddenly feels really self-conscious of his body's reactions.</p><p>Feeling this desperate, he buries his head in the crook of Aki's neck... and bites him.</p><p>*</p><p>Akihiko is not really proud of the helpless sound escaping his throat. He jolts and backs off instantly, his body already feeling cold with the sudden privation of skin contact.</p><p>Haru's eyes widens and his face turns instantly red. “I'm sorry...” He mumbles, avoiding Aki's eyes.</p><p><em>Crap</em>. This look doesn't help. At all.</p><p>Aki raises a hand to cup Haru's cheek, turning his attention back to him. “It's alright.” He offers, a weak smile spreading on his features.</p><p>But he feels so guilty.</p><p>“I... think it's time for me to go”</p><p>
  <em>He must escape, before it's too late...</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>I took it too far...</em>
</p><p>Haruki feels stupid.</p><p>He rushed things.</p><p>Maybe he isn't appealing enough ? He immediately slaps himself internally for thinking such thing. He can't doubt the sincerity of Aki's feelings for him. It would be unfair.</p><p>He stares at his computer blankly, unable to concentrate on his homework anymore.</p><p>After some moments dozing off, realization suddenly draws in.</p><p>Maybe they have to take it slow after all...</p><p>Dating Akihiko sure is a rollercoaster of emotions but he doesn't regret it in the slightest. He is confident. They walked a long and difficult path. Survived great hard times in their relationship. They just have to figure out how to solve their remaining doubts.</p><p>Haruki smiled to himself, hands moving again against the keyboard.</p><p>
  <em>It will be alright.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>Akihiko's previous doubts and guilty feelings vanishes off as soon as he sees Haruki's warming welcoming smile while he enters the studio.</p><p>It's funny how little it takes to be at ease with him.</p><p>“How are you today ?” Haru beams at him, already setting his bass to play.</p><p>Aki covers the distance, feet lights, and leans in to join their lips in a sweet greeting kiss.</p><p>“Better now.” He winks back, happiness bubbling in his stomach.</p><p>Haru laughs before standing up, stretching his arms above his head.</p><p>As always, a few skin of his belly is displayed and Aki glances at him by instinct, lips curling up in a pleased way.</p><p>
  <em>Be patient.</em>
</p><p>He turns his head to the drum set, glad to unwind his frustration on practice for once. And he will need a lot of reharsal sessions to muzzle his undisclosed desires, before being ready to unleash them unconditionally.</p><p>To this day, he just has to keep the flame alive, scratching the door again and again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And it's the last piece from me for this Valentine's week !<br/>I hope you had a good time reading our stories for this event :)</p><p>Thanks for reading and see you around !</p><p>- Berry (<a href="https://berrynthewood.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> / <a href="https://twitter.com/berrynthewood/">Twitter</a>)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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